Exclusivity talk dating

exclusivity talk dating

So you've been dating one special person for a few months now, but haven't had the courage to have “the talk” about having an exclusive relationship. Here's how to have the exclusive relationship talk, without being a weirdo. The Date Mix .. Having “the talk”, also called the DTR or Define the Relationship talk , is the sometimes-terrifying conversation you have with. There isn't a perfect formula that can tell you how long to date for a few weeks or even months before committing to exclusivity. Not all couples have an explicit conversation about labeling what you are to one another.

If four weeks sounds surprisingly short, it actually isn't. It's not that we're rushing into things.

exclusivity talk dating

It's that the dating game has changed — maybe for the better. A lot can happen in four weeks: They officially declare themselves a couple after nine dates, on average.

So how can one month of six dates turn into an exclusive relationship? Let's do the math. People tend to spend at least three to four hours on a good date and that's a conservative estimatewhich means after six dates assuming no sleepoversyou've spent almost 24 hours together. That means after six short dates, somethings are bound to have kissed, had sex multiple times and spent cumulatively an entire day with the person they're just beginning to date.

Here's How Quickly Couples Are Becoming "Exclusive" — And Why It's a Good Thing

Getty Intimacy on fast-forward: Six dates might not seem like enough to build intimacy, much less prompt an exclusivity conversation. But depending how physical those dates get, they can. Judging by the data, we're making out and having sex shocking, we knowwhich can actually be a big deal. A study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the primary function of first kisses it to determine mate suitability and has a meaningful effect on pair bonding — what study author Robin Dunbar called the "Jane Austen" assessment.

When I came back to town in the fall — actually, before the fall because I missed him so much — he abruptly left me for the girl who lived across the hall. She wore striped knee socks and played the guitar. I would watch him come over to visit her through my peephole. She later became a famous rock star and dumped him. I learned that girls who wear striped knee socks are trouble, yes, but I continued to make assumptions about exclusivity up until my 30s, and usually ended up the ass who got my feelings hurt.

After my 30th birthday, I decided to take the opposite approach and go out of my way to leave my options wide open until the dude broached the subject of exclusivity. I thought somehow, this dating lots of people thing and not committing myself too soon was supposed to make me feel more powerful. It made me feel like even more of an ass, just in a different way. When we finally became exclusive, I thought all this anguish was worth it.

But my exclusive guy ended up dumping me a few months later.

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Approach Exclusivity - The Frisky

My feelings were still hurt. After all of this, I made a decision for myself: I can only date one person at once. Recently, my stance on the matter was tested. I have been dating someone I really like for about a month now. Right after we went on our first date, I met another guy at a wedding I attended. We exchanged numbers, I heard from Wedding Guy a few days later and he informed me that he was having surgery and would be out of commission for a few weeks.

Here's How Quickly Couples Are Becoming "Exclusive" — And Why It's a Good Thing

Our connection was growing. When Wedding Guy was healthy and called me to make a date, I panicked. It felt way too soon to have the exclusivity talk with Sixth Date Guy, but too far in for me to go out on a date with someone else. And was Sixth Date Guy going out with other girls? Did that mean I was more into him than he was into me?

exclusivity talk dating