The guy I'm seeing is still using dating sites. What should I do? | Life and style | The Guardian
Swipe Right is our advice column that tackles the tricky world of online dating. This week: what to do if the person you're dating can't quit the. After finding love and a serious relationship some men still keep their online dating profile active. The explanations for this are pretty lame but. If his dating profile is still active, it indicates that he is still not ready to make things each other, it may not be so strange for your boyfriend to be on a dating site.
Unless he is a complete idiot, he is aware this would not make you happy. A man committed to you would rather lose his arm than cause you despair. This may also be a sign to you that you are a lot more invested into him than he is into you. Is he really your boyfriend or has your imagination carried you away in this relationship?
They keep these secrets because they fear your emotional reaction. They are pacing the relationship in their own minds to a degree. Bottom line here though is this.
At this moment, today, right now, you are most likely more invested and farther ahead in this relationship than he is. This will only put him on the defense and he very well may play the blame shifting game as in make you feel like crap for snooping in the first place.
Managing your emotions is something that you will be glad you did later down the road as opposed to going bat shit crazy on him.
Consider how you discovered this gut wrenching piece of information.
I am not on a dating site, even though it appears I am. When you find your boyfriend is still on a dating site, you have two choices really. You can confront him or you can downgrade him and pull back from the relationship. Not with the ears that want to believe, but with that gut! While all this may break your heart, try and be calm as your partner proposes seeing other people too. While it is alright to let him know that you are disappointed with the way he thinks, avoid throwing tantrums, dissolving into tears or begging for another chance.
All this will not only rob you of your dignity and hence appear unattractive but also reveal a scary neediness on your part and your partner may even feel justified in detaching him from you. So even as your partner puts forward his reasons why you both should continue to date other people, keep your cool and let him know that you will think about what he has said.
If you ended the conversation on relatively friendly terms, refrain from making the first contact.
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Calling your partner, texting him the next day or stopping by his workplace too soon after the conversation will make your partner think that you simply cannot live without him and are unable to give him space. In the days to come, avoid calling him as often as you used to earlier and especially be circumspect in suggesting a date.
Meet millionaire men at MillionaireMatch. What you can do There are two ways you can go on from here; one you can continue to see him as a companion and go on casual dates, all the while accepting that this is not exclusive dating. But before agreeing to this ask yourself honestly if you can handle a situation when you know that he is dating other people or you expect much more than he is willing to give.
What to Do When Your Boyfriend is Still Online Dating
At the same time though, your partner exploring other dating options may just be a stage in your relationship, one which you can get past and proceed to a more committed partnership; if you strongly feel so, then it may be worth it to try to adapt to a casual state of affair while understanding that nothing is guaranteed.
However if you feel unable to love and trust a person who is still looking for dates, then it may be time to move on. Ask yourself exactly what you want from life and whether such a relationship fits in with your priorities. Understand that people are different and some people are content to play the field while others are only comfortable dating one person at a time.
After some time - say a couple of months - has elapsed, evaluate your relationship and if you have moved no further towards each other than before, then ask your partner where is this all heading.
And while removing yourself will certainly be difficult, it is far better to make a clean break now than to prolong the unhappiness as you try to hold on to a relationship that is no longer satisfying.