Would you date someone with self harm scars? If not, why? : AskReddit
I have a few self harm scars. Most of them are hidden, I am worried that this will be a hindrance to my ability to date a girl. I am 23, and never. If they refused to stop doing it and search for other, healthier means of dealing with their issues, then that means they're at a place where I can't. I don't know how to explain these marks to any of the women I have Self-harm scars have made me scared to have sex . interesting and attractive and who are dating you, would honestly be neither shocked nor appalled by your marks. ghost of a moment when you found it all a bit too much to handle.
If you do feel the need, or if your partner asks, you could say that the scars are from self-harm without going into detail.
Another option is to make up another explanation for the scarswhich either the partner will believe or take as a cue that this is not something you would like to discuss. Self-Harm Scars and Serious Relationships In a more serious relationship, or a relationship that seems as though it has the potential to be serious, you may feel that you want to talk to your partner about your self-harm scars more in-depth.
There is no easy to way to broach this subject, but it is for the wellbeing of your relationship. The good news, again, is that many people will respond with compassionand respect you for having the courage to speak with them about it.
Your partner only wants to know that you are okay now and that self-harm will not interfere with the relationship. How you approach the conversation is up to you, but it may be helpful to include the above concerns.
Having scars, and sometimes fresh wounds on my body can be a pain and a hassle, but can also be awkward to brush off. There's only so many times you can say the cat scratched you, before people start to dig deeper.
Until I met my boyfriend I found it very hard to accept my body for what it was. He continually told me I was beautiful, and that even if I had issues with my body, he didn't. When we started talking about having sex together, I started to panic about showing him my scars.
I have unsightly marks all down my ribs and thighs, along my forearms, and on my ankles. All places that are really easy to cover up normally, but in the bedroom - not so easy. It was time to come cleanto tell him I am a self-harmer. It didn't change how he felt about me, but it did put a little strain on our relationship at first.
How To Date A Woman With A Self-Harming Past – KitschMix
He wasn't sure whether it was okay to go near the scars, he was very protective of me suddenly, and God-forbid anyone make a joke about self harmers in our presence. It was a strange and different side to him I'd never seen before. We chatted for hours about why and how and where and every other question he could think of, and I tried to answer each and everyone honestly.
It hurts him when I self harm, I know that, but I know it hurts him more when I won't tell him I've done it. He'd rather I tell him, than him finding out in bed.
At first it felt really awkward going up to him and trying to tell him what I'd just done, and I think he too found it hard to know what to do or say, but sometimes it's not about the words. A hug and a murmured 'I love you' can do more for me than a huge long speech.
- How To Date A Woman With A Self-Harming Past
- Self-harm scars have made me scared to have sex
So although self harm is often a horribly misinformed subject, it is possible to self harm and be in a relationship, so here's my advice to anyone who finds that their partner injures themselves as a way of release: In many cases, the person who self-harms has an inner voice saying that they need to do whatever their self-harming crutch is.
We may need you to help talk us out of them sometimes. Threatening to leave us if we relapse is not a good idea. A general rule of thumb is to assume the self-harming behavior has absolutely nothing to do with you. Fading scars are a huge deal. It might seem like something really silly, but most of us are very self-conscious about any scars that might have come from our self-harming.
Self-Injury & Relationships
Personally, I never wore shorts in public until I was around 23 — I hid my cutting on my thighs so that I could control who saw them. But bringing attention to the cuts is sort of awkward. Another person who cares about them and nurtures them will kiss each one of the scars. In theory, this is a really sweet idea, since it feels like you care enough to try and erase them.